Confessions of a Leg-Shaving Queer

I fancy myself a human torpedo
Shave my legs and put on my speedo
Ladies think my swimming is real neato

The fact that my nose is bigger than my penis makes me quite sad
My girl doesn’t care tho since in bed I’m already so bad
Let’s face it: I’m not a very stunning lad

People say I’m obnoxious, that the only person who can love me is my mother
But I have my Italian girlfriend, she’s sexy as none other
A real world-class masculine lover

I’m ever so popular
Ask inspire, he’ll concur
Queers stick together for sure!

I am quite the big shot
I like to pretend I’m not a huge twat
By befriending arseholes and also a Scot

Couldn’t get an English girl
When they hear me talk they all hurl
I once had a homosexual experience with a man named Earl.

People say my girlfriend looks just like a man
Looks as if she’s been hit with a frying pan
Love her as much as my bumm buddy from Iran

Everyone understands I’m stoked for Stoke!
Can’t get enough of those sweaty blokes!
Not a single cock I wouldn’t choke!

Men love it when I shave
They tell me to behave
But their touch is all I really crave

I wear my speedo when I take it up the brown
Officially the world’s biggest assclown
Everyone hopes I’ll drown.

Me, Twnz and In-cry-er

Some insp!ring poetry….

I rage so hard when I play Unreal
No one understands just how I feel
I’m told it’s just a game… but to me it’s always real.

I feel so stuck in my wheelchair
There are simply no feelings to compare
Life for me is so damn unfair.

I feel trapped, like I’m in a cage
So I put on my whinepants and rage rage rage
Need new gauntlets for my lvl47 mage.

People tell me to grow up and act my age…
But my heartbreak and pain they cannot gauge
I could write enough emo poetry to fill this entire page.

I find poetry to be very therapeutic and relaxing
It helps me deal with my UT rage which is so stressing and taxing
Torp likes shaving his legs, but I prefer waxing.

People tell me to stop my raging because it’s old, it’s tired
So I ask them, “Are you feeling insp!red?”
They tell me they think I’m retired.

My only friends are losers but they’re my only fans
One of them comes from Iran
The other has a girlfriend who looks like a man.

When my best friend talks with girls he can’t help but stutter
My friend Torp’s face looks like a cow’s udder
I’m the only one that tolerates the bullshit he sputters.

I’m so pitiful, even DJ feels bad for me
I feel so bad for myself that I’ve been labeled a crybaby
In fact I’ve cried so much over UT my tears could fill a sea

I can only hope someday I’ll get a wife
But that’s not likely, as I have absolutely no life
I should do the world a favor and end it with a knife.